How Not To Listen Effectively

Sule Celik White Ph. D

           “Are you listening?” she asked. “If you are busy, I can talk to you later.” He said, “No, I am listening.” while he was looking at his Ipad. “I do not understand why it is a big deal?” He left his Ipad aside. She did not have any desire to talk anymore. “Never mind,” she said, “we can talk later.” It was only a common evening. He could not understand why she was disturbed and resented about the conversation.

           Listening is the biggest part of communication. It is very easy to learn how not to listen effectively, if you already have not known, just follow the steps given;

           1. Do not consider physical necessities,
           2. Do not understand the content,
           3. Give plenty of advice,
           4. Do not pay attention to the emotional tone of the subject.

           The first part of bad listening is not to have an attentive posture. Be busy with reading the newspaper, or work on the computer, or look at your phone when you are listening to somebody. Doing dishes, checking mail, walking, and watching TV. would be as influential for not to have effective listening. Be in a hurry, move around, and do not make eye contact with the person when you are listening.

           The second part of ineffective listening is not to understand the content. When somebody is talking to you suddenly interrupt him or her and ask unrelated questions or make inadequate
comments. even better, if you start talking about yourself and show her how outstanding you are.

            The third part of ineffective listening is giving advice. Start the sentences with “If I were you,...” Tell her that you know better and she should do it this way. Be creative, make her feel incompetent.

            The fourth part of bad listening could be not to understand the emotional side of the
content. To do this, listen carefully and judge the person`s thoughts, feelings, or behaviors. Say, ”I cannot believe that you are still in love with him! Considering that he has been hurting your feelings such a long time.” Or, reject the person`s feelings. Saying, “You do not need to feel so sad just because your dog has died. You can always adopt another one.” could be very good.

            In conclusion, it is very easy to learn how not to listen effectively. All you need is to follow the steps given. Success is guaranteed.